Most people are extremely good at getting what they want – they just don’t know it! That is because, whether you believe it or not, you always get what you think about!
Your mind wants to do whatever it thinks you want it to do, intending to work in your highest best interests. So how does it know what you want? By the words you use, the pictures you make in your mind and your feelings.
If you’re thinking about something you don’t want, it will be creating negative feelings, such as anxiety or a resistant feeling, about being, doing or having something in your life.
Maybe you are anxious about a presentation you have to do at work, or you’re not looking forward to your scheduled gym session to get trim and toned.
You really want to do the presentation to progress your career, but because of your focus your mind gets the message that it will make you anxious and stressed, so it works to help you avoid it. It may give you a headache or you come up with another obstacle that means you have to cancel. You got what you focussed on. (Eliminating the anxiety.)
You feel really motivated to get trim and toned, but your mind only hears that you don’t enjoy the workout, getting all hot and sweaty, and you’d rather sit on the couch. You lose motivation and keep finding reasons for putting off the next gym session. You’re still on the couch, but you got what your mind thought you wanted.(Avoiding unpleasant activities.)
Your heart and mind work together to take whatever action is required to move you towards pleasure or away from pain. In both these examples, the mental focus is on the unwanted aspect, the pain. So it becomes a form of self sabotage, as your mind swings into action to help you avoid doing what you wanted to do, because it thinks you don’t want it.
To get what you really, really want, you have to tell your mind clearly and specifically, and predominantly not only exactly what you want, but that you love it, you’ve chosen it, it really does give you enormous pleasure. You’ve chosen to do the work presentation and you really look forward to it, you love the opportunity, you’re thrilled to do it because you can see it advancing your career. You have chosen to work out at the gym and you love, love doing it and can see every session is a step closer to your goal, which you see already achieved in your mind’s eye.
Of course it’s always good to know what you don’t want, because it is incredibly helpful in crystallising in your mind exactly what you do want – usually the exact opposite. Once you’ve identified what you want, move quickly to picturing that positive goal achieved and let yourself experience how good that feels. ( If it doesn’t feel good, either you don’t actually want it, or your goal is too bigger jump from where you are now and so you can’t believe it- set a lower more believable goal.)
An unfortunate consequence of dwelling on things that you don’t want, is that no matter how many unwanted things you therefore move away from, there is no information about what you want, so no action is taken towards those things you want and give you pleasure.
It can also be rather tiring thinking about what you don’t want all the time, as in theory there are an infinite number of things you don’t want, most of which will probably never happen anyway. The number of things you do want is going to be a much smaller manageable number.
Things you do or don’t want are usually mutually exclusive. In other words you can have one or the other but not both. That means that if you predominantly focus powerfully on what you want and achieve it, you will have simultaneously avoided the unwanted. If you are healthy you are not sick, if you pass your driving test you have not failed it, if you are in a relationship you are not alone, if you have a career path you are not in a dead end job.
So thinking about the unwanted may help you avoid it, but it will not get you what you want. When you tell your mind specifically, clearly, enthusiastically, that you are choosing something you love, not only do you get what you wanted, you avoid what you didn’t want too.
“The pessimist avoids the pitfalls and stops there, the optimist continues on to claim the prize.” Christine 💜